All That You Have Is Your Soul
by Zweee
Summary: 10/Rose Rose gets lost. After living a nightmare for over a year the Doctor finds her again. But sometimes the healing can be worse than the trauma. As Rose tries to put her life back together the Doctor deals with the guilt of not finding her sooner.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello. It has been several months since I wrote my last fic. I started this one a while ago and even posted the first chapter but I was unhappy with the way it was going so I removed it. I'm reposting it under the same title but it is completely new. I hope you enjoy.**

_Well baby I surrender  
To the strawberry ice cream  
Never ever end of all this love  
Well I didn't mean to do it  
But there's no escaping your love  
From 'Accidentally in Love' by Counting Crows_

Rose was only a few hours from a complete night's rest when the Doctor's footsteps outside her room rudely jarred her awake. She rolled over, pretending that she couldn't hear. Apparently the hundreds of other hallways in the TARDIS were inaccessible at six in the morning. Of course the time was relative when one lived on a time machine. _It's six a.m. somewhere, _Rose reasoned, _so therefore I should sleep until it is 10 a.m. somewhere._

Unfortunately Rose's brain seemed reluctant to drift into dreamland while a very inconsiderate alien found excuses to shuffle quite noisily by her bedroom door every ten minutes. Rose knew it was a lost cause. If she couldn't sleep through the Doctor's 'accidental' bumping around she would never survive the next stage. This phase happened to entail a quiet humming that grew steadily louder into a terrible rendition of some Mark Knofler tune. (An artist she was not terribly fond of at the best of times.) If, by some miracle, she was able to snooze through both the stomping and the singing she would eventually be jarred awake by a nine hundred going on two year old Time Lord jumping on her bed.

Reluctantly, Rose rolled out of bed and stumbled into her on suite bathroom. One hot shower and a set of clean clothes later made Rose feel almost human. When Rose finally emerged into the console room she found the Doctor happily fiddling with his precious ship. He noticed Rose instantly and started to scurry around the console with frantic energy.

"I hope I didn't wake you with my bangin' about this morning," he said, voice full of false concern.

Rose cocked an eyebrow. "Oh I was awake anyway. Who needs more than six hours of sleep anyway?" she answered sarcastically.

He grinned and continued his manic operations of the controls. This daily banter that took place between them every morning was a new faucet to their relationship. The Doctor's other regeneration, though just as excited to show Rose the many wonders of the universe, seemed to have the ability to rein in his enthusiasm, at least until Rose had had a full night's sleep. Sometimes it seemed the only thing that kept Rose going was adrenaline. She loved every minute of it.

"So where do you want to go today, Miss Tyler?" The Doctor stood poised over the controls, an expectant smile on his face.

"Oh I dunno," Rose answered. "Impress me."

The Doctor's smile widened even farther and his eyes seemed to gleam from the challenge. "Okay, you asked for it."

Suddenly the two companions were flung to the ground as the TARDIS swung full pelt through the Vortex. Rose clung to the grating in an attempt to not be thrown around too much. A reasonably rocky few minutes later and the ship careened to a halt. The Doctor jumped to his feet first, grabbing his trench coat he ran to the door. Upon looking back he saw Rose still struggling to get to her feet. Releasing an impatient sigh, he ran back and pulled Rose to her feet.

"Come on," he urged. "We don't have all day."

Rose found herself being jerked towards the wooden doors and out into the…the…

_Wow!_

Unable to form proper words, Rose stared at her surroundings. They had landed in a large circular room. It was about the length of a football pitch in diameter and the ceiling was over a thousand feet above their heads. There was perhaps ten meters of walking space all along the outside bordered by a railing and then the center of the room was open except for a single pillar. The pillar was covered in thousands of brilliant, moving displays. Rose's eyes followed the pillar up and noticed that over a hundred floors lay above them, all opening into this giant room.

And then there were the people. Well, people might be a very loose definition. Thousands upon thousands of beings crowded every available space of the many floors. There were defiantly quite a few humans scattered among the many life forms crowding the walkway. Other beings kind of resembled a human if Rose squinted but most defied any sort of categorization.

Among the vast crowds, Rose felt suddenly very small and in a sudden pang of worry she clenched firmly on the Doctor's hand. He returned the gesture and gripped onto her more tightly.

"So, where are we?" Rose asked after she remembered how to use her vocal chords.

"This is the mighty Clikori Station," he boasted. "The hub of the Trifelvorm galaxy."

Rose blinked, confused.

The Doctor hurried on with his explanation. "Oh the Trifelform galaxy hasn't been discovered in your time yet. We are approximately two million years in your future. If I'm right, and I usually am, we should be right at the height of this galaxy's colonization."

Rose let the information sink in. "So this place is like a great big airport?" she asked.

The Doctor beamed at her. "Exactly. Impressed?"

Rose pretended to consider this. "Maybe. I'll know after we've looked around a bit."

The pair ventured into the throng of faces, occasionally stopping to look at kiosks. When the first floor was thoroughly explored the Doctor led Rose to a grand crystal elevator. As the doors of the lift shut behind them the din of the crowds instantly vanished. It was only then that Rose realized that there were as many floors beneath them as above.

"So…" the Doctor prompted as he gestured to a wall of shiny multicolored buttons. "Where to next?"

"I can pick one?"

He nodded.

Rose hesitated before depressing a pale pink button just above her eye level. The bottom dropped out of her stomach as they began to free-fall. Dozens of floors zipped by before the lift slowly decelerated and stopped.

After catching her breath Rose glared at the Doctor. "Did you know that was going to happen?" she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders guiltily.

While muttering some incomprehensible babble about inconsiderate Time Lords, Rose stepped out of the lift and back into the crowded walkways. This level had even more bizarre wonders including a stall that carried an assortment of mice with tiny golden wings. Rose leaned over the small cages, watching the little creatures as they played.

"Would Mademoiselle like to hold one?"

Rose started and looked up to see a rather short man/alien/thing scrutinizing her. He was rather squat and a bit on the yellow side but apart from the fern that appeared to be growing out of the center of his bald head he look fairly human. Relaxing, Rose nodded. The man opened a nearby cage and coaxed a tiny pale-blue creature onto his finger. He then very gently transferred him or her to Rose's outstretched hand.

The creature was warmer then Rose had expected and she let out a small gasp of delight. The creature sniffed around a bit, tickling her with its whiskers before coiling its long tail around her thumb and swinging upside-down. There it swung happily as it hummed a sweet little tune to itself.

"The Chtu likes you," the sorta-human man commented. "You must be a good soul. Would you like to purchase one?"

Before Rose could answer the Doctor butted in and started rambling about useless pets and pulling her to the next booth. She wiggled out of his grip and he sighed, turning to look at some different merchandise.

"I can't," Rose answered as she placed the Chtu back in his cage. It gave a sad little 'squeek' as she detangled it from her thumb. She found it hard to pull her eyes away from the tiny little beings as she turned to join the Doctor.

"Wait!" the salesman called to her as he grabbed her arm. Before she even knew what he was doing she found a tiny shaking bundle placed in her hand. This Chtu was smaller than the others, no bigger than a golf ball, and his fur glittered silver. "Please," the salesman urged. "This little guy never grew his wings. It happens sometimes. You may have him, no charge. Its either you or he goes to feed the Boabongs."

Rose started to protest but the tiny Chtu had scurried up her arm and clung to the hair at the base of skull. All thought of refusing to take the sweet creature fled. Rose glanced quickly over in the Doctor's direction. He hadn't been watching the exchange between Rose and the Chtu seller. She guessed that she had about one minute before he began to wonder why she had not caught up to him.

Leaning in close to the salesman Rose asked, "What do I feed it?"

"He likes grains and fruit. He won't touch meat. As a treat you could give him a bit of cheese but not too much or else he'll get fat. Chtus are very loyal and extremely smart so be careful with him."

Rose nodded to assure that she understood and after making sure that the little Chtu was safely hidden in her hair she joined the Doctor. Together Rose and the Doctor ambled their way through the dense crowds.

The Doctor found that he couldn't stop looking at Rose. Watching her gaze in awe at the many sights around them was like experiencing them himself for the first time. The more they traveled the more he came to realize how truly lost he would be without this precious human. She looked up at him and instead of glancing away he gazed deep into her beautiful brown eyes. She blushed and returned his smile with a brilliant one of her own.

The Doctor had no way of knowing that it would be a long time before he looked into the eyes of Rose Tyler again. And when he did finally get the chance to drown in their depths again he would not see the pure joy and naiveté that radiated so beautifully at that moment. Instead the innocence would be replaced by pain and self-loathing. The next time he gripped her hand he would be holding a mere broken shadow of this radiant soul. If he had known what was to come, the Doctor would have clutched Rose's hand with all of his being as that sudden wave of noisy tourists came towards them.

As it was he didn't know and the sudden throng of people forced her hand from his grip. When he looked back to find her she was gone.

**A/N: Well there's the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. Plz let me know what you think by pressing that nice little review button. Oh and I apologize to any Mark Knofler fans. My dad loves Dire Straits and I am just so sick of them so I try to poke fun at them any chance I get.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So here is another chapter already. Enjoy. Be warned there is some dark stuff towards the end.**

"_There must be some way out of here,"  
Said the Joker to the Thief.  
"__There is to much confusion,  
I can't get no relief."  
From 'All Along the Watchtower' by Bob Dylan_

At first Rose was not too concerned that she had been separated from the Doctor. She tried to stay in about the same spot as the crowd surged by but this soon proved impossible due to the shear volume of people. The chtu squeaked sensing her distress. Eventually she gave in and followed the crowd, hoping that she might find an eddy in the stream of people to stop and collect herself. After much jostling Rose finally claimed a passing table and chair.

Slowly the sudden wave of tourists dissipated and Rose breathed a sigh of relief. Feeling suddenly overheated, Rose removed the red jacket she was wearing and placed it on the table in front of her. The tiny silver chtu crawled down her arm and sat staring up at her from the back of her hand. As Rose gazed at the adorable creature she wondered how she could have ever refused to keep him. His tiny mouse-like whiskers quivered and his overly large ears turned in every direction, following every person that chose to pass nearby.

"I suppose I should name you," Rose commented, talking mostly to herself. The chtu bowed his head up and down a few times. His movements appeared jerky and nervous.

"What about Pepper?" Rose asked.

The chtu wrinkled his nose, almost in disgust and jerked his head to the side.

Unfazed Rose continued making suggestions. "Squeak? Rascal? Reepicheep?" Every possible name received a spasmodic jerk of the head. "I know," Rose continued, "How about Ratatouille?"

This time Rose received a stone cold glare.

"Okay, okay," she soothed. "I was only kidding."

A passerby who appeared to be having an animated discussion with himself suddenly burst into a fit of giggles causing the chtu to jump almost a foot in the air.

"Hey, it's okay," Rose assured while reaching out to stroke the timid creature. "You're sure a skittish little guy. Hmmm…skittish. Can I call you Skit?"

In answer the chtu rubbed affectionately against Rose's fingers.

"Skit it is then. So do you have any idea how we could get back to the Doctor?"

Skit either didn't understand her or wasn't interested as he cautiously began to chew her thumbnail.

A sudden flurry of movement caused both Skit and Rose to jump. In a flash Skit was once again curled in the hair at the base of Rose's skull. Rose just sat and blinked for a few moments before she realized that her jacket was no longer bunched in a heap in front of her but instead it was rolled up beneath the arms of a quickly disappearing child.

"Oi!" Rose called. "Give that back!"

The thief, not expecting such a fast pursuit, darted into the thickest part of the crowd. Rose lagged only a short way behind. Realizing that he wasn't going to lose Rose that easily, the thief darted in between the closing doors of a nearby elevator. Rose, just as quickly, ran into the elevator immediately to the right and started jamming buttons.

It was only as the lift began to move that she realized what a very bad idea it was to leave the floor where she had last seen the Doctor. Not only did she not remember what floor she had just been on she had no idea where to find the TARDIS. As the lift shot upwards, Rose frantically searched around for some sort of recall button. Her search proved fruitless and the great crystal elevator came to a halt.

A new feeling of dread sunk into Rose's stomach as she stepped through the sliding crystal doors. Both her mobile and her copy of the TARDIS's key had been in the jacket of her coat. For a moment Rose in the middle of the crowded walkway at a complete loss as to what to do next.

Suddenly frightened of the crowds, Rose sought refuge in an alcove in the side of the wall. If she could just have a few minutes to think maybe she could get herself out of this mess. _After all,_ she reasoned,_ I'm only in a spaceport. It isn't like I'm in any danger._

Suddenly Skit began to vibrate. Rose didn't have time to process the chtu's warning as a large piece of wood collided with her skull and she sank into quiet oblivian.

oooooooooooooooooo

_The Doctor looked behind to find Rose gone…._

The Doctor felt an overwhelming sense of foreboding as he scanned the throng of people for Rose's face. This feeling only intensified as he realized that Rose was not anywhere in his immediate vicinity. He scurried back and forth through the sea of crowded faces looking for her. His companion. The girl with the bright brown eyes and generous smile. Rose. His Rose.

_His Rose?_

Not for the first time did the Doctor contemplate when, in all the time they had traveled together, that precious human woman had become _his_. Perhaps it had been only that morning when she had forgiven him once again for disturbing her sleep. But then he remembered the many times he had clung to her tightly in the middle of a desperate situation. There was the time Krop-Tor when he had lost the only tie to his home and he had embraced her like she was his very last precious possession. And then he realized, as he searched through the myriad of strangers, that she was, perhaps, the very thing that kept his damaged hearts beating.

He needed to find her. Right NOW.

Even climbing a nearby tree hadn't brought the Doctor any closer to catching a glimpse of his missing companion. Of course he had been rather focused on the strange creaking noises that the fake piece of foliage had emitted from its base as he scrambled to the top.

Abandoning this tactic the Doctor made his way to the first official looking person he could find. As it turned out people would often get separated and there was a whole division of security devoted to finding the lost. He was assured many times by a rather sponge-like alien that thee proper individuals would find his lost friend and to kindly stop messing with the computer display.

Waiting was not the Doctor's strong point and he found it very difficult to allow someone else to 'rescue' Rose. Logic, however, was among his many virtues and logic demanded that he stay in one place. He had tried to call her mobile several times but she didn't answer. _She must have left it in the TARDIS, _he reasoned. The other alternative, that she was currently not able to answer, was not something he wished to dwell on. Besides the waiting was a good test of his self control.

The Doctor never got to test the full limits of his new found patience as a terrible wailing issued from the outer walkway, followed closely by a loud voice.

"Attention all life forms," the voice rang out clearly throughout every corner of the station. "We are currently in lock-down. All personnel are to proceed to there emergency stations." The message then repeated itself in several languages.

As the Doctor emerged into the main atrium he became aware of the overwhelming stench of death. A quick glance upwards revealed a cloud of smoke and ash billowing from the level a couple floors up. The Doctor found his way to the elevators blocked by a line of guards.

"Only authorized personnel," a burly guard insisted.

"That's me," assured the Doctor, pulling out his psychic paper. "I'm the Doctor, see?"

"Those souls won't need a doctor anymore," the guard muttered as he let the Doctor through the line.

The dust was so overwhelming upon exiting the lift that the Doctor had to close his eyes and cover his mouth.

"Organic bomb," a nearby voice muttered.

"What was that?" the Doctor queried.

The man surveyed the empty walkway and pointed to the piles of ashes littering the ground. "An organic bomb incinerates everything living or made of once living material but leaves all structures intact. I didn't know could be released in such a specific area."

The Doctor's eyes widened with understanding. The ash that carpeted every open space was the remains of every person who had been on this floor. As the Doctor trudged through the horrific scene he found himself stepping over pieces of jewelry, canes and artificial limbs.

For hours he sifted through the remains. And then he saw it, the thing that he had desperately hoped he wouldn't find. A very familiar red jacket stood out from the ash. It had survived because it was made of purely synthetic material. He picked it up and Rose's mobile fell out onto the ground causing a billow of dust to rise into the air and stick to the Doctor's tear stained face.

**A/N: Well that got very dark and sad. I do apologize for that whole bomb thing. It actually felt a bit disturbing to write. I promise that that is the end of that sort of violence for the rest of the story.**

**On a good note, I actually managed to put two cliffhangers in one chapter. Don't you just luv me?**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay I know it took me a loooooong time to post but you see what happened was I was so excited to write the interesting b

**A/N: Okay I know it took me a loooooong time to post but you see what happened was I was so excited to write the interesting bit that I didn't get around to the bits in between and than I when it was time to get back to them I really, didn't feel like it. So I just skipped it. I was gonna explain what happened to the Doctor and Rose while they were separated but it was gonna be really long and complicated and no fun cuz it is so much more fun when they are together. So instead you are gonna get the flashbacks in little bits at a time. I'm warning you that this is not gonna be a very happy story for a looooooooooong time. Rose has not been having a fairly happy life. So there ya go. Ye've been warned. Enjoy. I hope there aren't too many grammar errors. I checked it but I always miss my own mistakes.**

**Colony EX7, Spiral D6, Trifelvorm Galaxy. Year 200,002,020.**

The Doctor stepped out of his ship to see where he landed. Slowly he walked back to the box and stroked her side.

"What are you doing to me, girl?" he asked. "She's dead. Yet still you insist on bringing me back to this cursed galaxy over and over."

He looked at his watch and his frown only deepened. He'd been traveling for a eighteen months without her and in this time zone she had died eighteen months ago.

"You are getting bonkers in your old age," he said to his ship. With the whole of space and time to explore she had to land in this section of this tiny galaxy over and over. Perhaps she was stuck on a loop. Maybe she needed a complete overhaul.

The Doctor sighed. It was no fun working on a ship with no one to talk to. He hadn't replaced Rose. He couldn't. There was only one Rose and she was gone, killed in a senseless terrorist attack.

_Oh well,_ he thought,_ At least I can explore for a bit._

The Doctor walked along a dirt road at a fairly good clip. Smoke rose from chimneys far off in the distance. By the appearance of the houses it was hard to believe that these people had complete space faring ability. The whole town looked like it came from the middle ages. This section of space was littered with habitable planets. The problem was that Spiral 6 was saturated with a type of radiation that drained any sort of power. Most ships could only dock for a couple days before hurrying away. The radiation was harmless to people but it forced the inhabitants to live a fairly simple life.

Upon reaching the town he was not surprised to see the place inhabited mostly by humans. The human race never ceased to amaze him. They could put roots anywhere, even if it meant living like they were back in time. He would never understand why the other Time Lords had disliked them so much.

A quick scan of the town revealed that the population was made up of mostly men. Colonies always started out that way. The men would go off to settle the wild frontiers and then the women would follow in small bunches. Some things never change.

He seemed to have hit an important day for everyone was bustling towards a central building. The Doctor grabbed a passing child.

"What's going on?" he asked.

The young lad gave him an incredulous look before answering. "It's Trial Moot, mate."

"Ahhh, of course," said the Doctor. "And what's that?"

The boy shook his head and muttered something about foreigners. "The court meets once a month to settle all disputes that have been filed."

"Yes, yes I see, but you're only twelve or so. A strapping young lad like you should be out catching fish not going to some stuffy old trial."

The boy stuck out his chest. "I turned thirteen last month and usually I skip these things but last week Old Man Grigo drowned last week and we all figure there might be foul play. We might get to see a real murder trial and everything."

"Sounds interesting. Mind if I come?" the Doctor asked.

The boy grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the hall. "Sure. Anyone can come."

"I'm the Doctor, by the way."

The boy glanced called back, "Guz."

"Nice to meet you Guz."

They passed rows and rows of white washed houses on their way to the courthouse. The road soon became crowded with horses and buggies and people on foot. Guz led the Doctor around the packed bunches of people, darting left and right. Upon reaching the steps of the courthouse, Guz made a sharp left, leading the Doctor behind the building.

"I thought we were going in?" the Doctor called to the boy.

"Nah," answered Guz. "It's so crowded in there. You'll never get a good seat. The best place to watch is from the roof."

With the agility of a cat, Gus jumped on a couple boxes and clawed his way up the drainpipe. The Doctor followed with considerably less grace. High places had not always been very kind to him, particularly to his fourth self. Puffing and wheezing, the Doctor made it to the top and scrambled over to the group of clustered boys.

They were al gathered around a large skylight in the middle of the roof. It was important for such a large meeting area to receive sufficient light. The odd thing about this window is that it contained smaller windows that could be opened from the outside.

At the Doctor's look of puzzlement Guz explained. "Officially these are for ventilation but the were really installed for us. Judge Kobol used to come up here as a boy but he could never hear what was going on so when he was installed as head of Trial Moot he had them put in. He's a good guy. And very fair."

The Doctor nodded in understanding. From their vantage they would be able to see and hear everything that went on below. He examined the room. It seemed like a fairly standard courtroom. There was a desk and a witness box. Despite many rows of wooden benches many people were standing around the back and in the aisles.

"Seems like a pretty popular trial," commented the Doctor.

"I reckon the wife did it," stated a scrawny boy with a red hat.

"What makes you say that," the Doctor asked.

"Well if I was her and I had to live with him everyday, I'd wanna do him in too," answered Red-hat.

The six other boys, including Guz nodded in agreement.

The biggest one added, "He was a right mean old git but you had to be nice to him cuz he was so rich see? He had connections. Irritate him and you were liable to lose your job, or worse."

"Worse?" queried the Doctor.

"He could set you out of your home," explained Guz. "Your're safe if ya own it but if you're like Perin over there's folks," he pointed to the biggest boy, "he would buy it from your landlord and turn ya out in the streets. And he had a right miserable temper."

Red-hat nodded. "He put me uncle in the infirmary for three weeks just for accidentally knockin' 'im over with his buggy. It weren't even my uncle's fault. Ol' Grigo walked right in front of him."

A quiet, smaller boy with a large purple birthmark piped up. "I don't think Miz Rozalina did it. She's too nice, and sweet, at least she wuz until she married him."

"Which one is she?" asked the Doctor.

The boys scanned the crowd. Finally, Guz answered. "I don't see 'er. They might wait to bring her in on account of the riot it might cause. But I don't think she did it either. There weren't any good reason for it."

"Well she could have wanted control of his money," said the Doctor.

All they boys laughed at this. "Women ain't got no property rights," Perin said, sadly. "Actually they ain't got much rights in any way. Ol' Grigo used to beat on her pretty hard. They'd been married just about a year now. She's his third wife. The other two killed themselves. At least that's the story. I reckon they had a bit of help. She's better off now, so long as she ain't convicted of murder. Some nicer widower will snatch 'er up. She's right purdy."

The Doctor frowned at this revelation. It seemed this colony had regressed in several ways. He didn't have long to contemplate because the judge came out of the back room. The whole room went silent.

Despite the tension in the room, the judge took his time shuffling his papers an seating himself behind his desks. Finally he spoke to the crowd. "Our first order of business for today will be the settling of Grigo Jurass's estates."

The crowd let out a loud roar of discontent. "What about the finding out who killed him?" one man called.

The judge put up his hand for silence. The crowd complied, barely. "The matter has been investigated and Deputy Murdoch has determined that his death was an unfortunate accident."

The crowd sounded its disapproval. A large man in the front row called out above the din. "What about Miz Rozalina? Why ain't she here?"

The judge slammed his gravel down on his desk. "There will be silence," he commanded, "or I will declare this Moot terminated." The hall settled and he continued. "Mrs. Jurass is still in shock at the loss of her husband and is currently indisposed. She has been cleared of all suspicion due to the fact that she was admitted to the infirmary several hours before the accident took place. If you came here to see a show then I suggest you look elsewhere. Now if we can return to the division of Jurass's estates."

The crowd grumbled and most of the people filtered out of the main door. Three of the six boys on the roof left as well, leaving only Guz, Perin and the small boy with the birthmark.

Perin sighed with relief. "I'm sure glad about Miz Rosalina. I knew she wouldn't kill no one, but the people always wanna pin it on someone."

Birthmark nodded. "Yah. She wuz lucky she wuz in a city run institution when it happened. There ain't no disputing that. Infirmary, it would have been O'l Grigo that put 'er there. No one deserves that. Least of all such a caring woman."

The other boys nodded. The settling of Grigo's estates was fairly straight forward and one by one the boys grew bored and wandered off. The Doctor was about to follow when he noticed a strange movement at the front of the hall. A woman was crouched behind a low barrier, out of sight from the rest of the crowd. She seemed to be listening intently to everything that was going on.

Judge Kobol would be able to see her but he seemed unconcerned about it. Perhaps she was taking notes on the proceedings. It would be a funny place to do that but these were funny people with rather backwards customs.

Even at such a distance there was something familiar about her. Something in the way she sat and the way she pushed her long hair out of her face. She looked young. Maybe twenty something. She obviously used to dye her hair but hadn't in a long time because her brown roots had grown out quite a lot. The vivid line between blonde and brown looked a bit odd.

And then she bit her lip and he knew who it was. 

Rose. 

No that was impossible. He had found her jacket and phone and TARDIS key among the ruins of the carbon bomb at Klitori Station.

_Ah,_ said a little voice in his head,_ but you didn't find her._

Of course he hadn't found a body. There weren't any bodies. There was just dust. Layers and layers of dust. But he hadn't checked the security tapes either. He hadn't wanted to watch her die. But maybe she hadn't been there at all.

How would she end up all the way out here? Klitori Station was hundreds of light years away. That was so unlikely. And what were the chances of him just accidentally wandering in here? But it wasn't accident. The TARDIS had brought him here. She had been flitting around this area of space for months.

Suddenly the impossible seemed plausible. He stared at the woman. It looked like Rose. But maybe that was just because he wanted it to be her. It was just to hard to tell from this distance. He would have to wait until the Moot was over and then he would follow her out and get a closer look.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

Not knowing that she could be seen by anyone other than Judge Kobol, the woman, a.k.a. Miz Rozaline, a.k.a. Rose Tyler was doing her best to remain small and invisible. The Judge had strongly advised that she not attend the Moot as he could not ensure her safety from the crowd but she insisted. She had to know what was being said about her. 

Luckily, they had bought Judge Kobol's story about her being in the Infirmary. It was believable. She had certainly spent enough time there over the last year. And now she would be shuttled off to another husband. Women were too few to be wasted in widowhood and she had too many possible childbearing years left. Maybe she'd actually be able to have kids if her husband would stop beating her senseless. Judge Kobol had promised to set her up with a nicer man.

She didn't keep her hopes up. Life hadn't been that good to her so far. It seemed so long ago that she had traveled the stars with a man who had just enjoyed her company. But maybe that wasn't real. She couldn't tell anymore. If this man had been so wonderful than why hadn't he found her.

She reached behind her neck to stroke the small chtu that hid in her hair. Skit she had named him back on the transport ship because he was so skittish. Now it seemed he was the brave one. She could barely get through the days anymore and now she faced marrying another complete stranger. What if he was worse than Grigo? No, that wasn't possible.

The Moot was winding down and the judge was making his final speech. Rose remembered a time when she hadn't been able to understand this language, or any language, at all. If that was real the amazing man and his Time Machine would have to be as well. Right?

It hardly mattered. He was a figment of her imagination and therefore couldn't rescue her.

She heard the large wooden doors shut and Judge Kobol motioned to her to stand.

"It's okay now, dear," he said. "You can come out.

She gathered her sore legs beneath her, nearly tripping on her skirts, and walked over to the desk.

"There is a traditional thirty day mourning period so I will be able to inquire about a good man for you."

Rose nodded her thanks.

She turned to shuffle out the back door when the main, heavy wooden door swung open.

"What is the meaning of this?" cried Judge Kobol.

A man in a brown pin striped suit ran up the aisle. "Sorry, Your Honor," he said, "But seems that something I lost, quite a while ago, has ended up here." He turned to face Rose.

It was him. The Imaginary Man. The Doctor. She was dreaming. It couldn't be real.

In an instant she was scrambling over the railing. He moved even faster and grabbed her in his arms, lifting her over. He held so tight that she could hardly breathe but that hardly mattered. She didn't even feel the pain as one of her most recently broken ribs shifted out of place. None of it mattered. He was real.

He was real.

**A/N: So ya. There it is. I was a bit iffy on some of the content so I'm not sure about the rating. There was a bit of implied nastyness in this chapter and there is more to come as Rose comes to deal with what has happened to her. But at no point will I make it graphic so I just don't know. If anyone suggests that I bump up the rating I will. Just let me know. I will put warnings at the beginning of any suspect chapters anyway.**

**So ya other than that I hope you enjoyed it. I have quite a bit of the rest of the fic written so updates should be fairly regular for now but don't let that stop you from reviewing cuz I can still go and alter things. Nothing is concrete til it's posted.**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Even though this chapter was already written it still took me a while to get it to the point where I was willing to post i

**A/N: Even though this chapter was already written it still took me a while to get it to the point where I was willing to post it. The rest of the story so far is written in one big lump so I didn't even know where to end the chapter. It used to be longer but I kept clipping sentences here and there. It was too dark.**

Everything is always forgotten in the movies. The characters go through horrific trials and come out no worse for wear only to live a long and jubilant life. Happily ever after, at least that's what they always say.

Rose tried her best to move on. For a moment, as she was enfolded in the Doctor's deep embrace, she felt whole again. He took her hand and led her back to his amazing ship. It was so real. His excitement at seeing her alive was infectious and for a few short hours as he talked of the places and people he had seen she shifted back into the old Rose, the vibrant, naïve, shop girl who feared nothing and marveled at everything.

But then he turned the conversation on her.

"And then I saw you, standing there." He paused for a minute and let out a joyous laugh. "And all that time I thought you had been killed in that explosion on the space station. Thought I was hallucinating at first. Maybe I still am." He looked down at her, his gaze intense and longing.

Rose was so captivated by the expression in his eyes that she didn't notice his hand move to touch her cheek. She flinched, violently. Grigo had given her enough fat lips and black eyes that she couldn't help it. This only served to make him angrier but it usually saved her the shame of wearing her abuse on her face. The Doctor dropped his hand immediately, eyes full of hurt and concern.

"Rose I'm sorry. Are you okay?" He searched her face desperately for reassurance.

Rose smiled and nodded but both knew it was a lie. The Doctor didn't push it.

"So," he continued. "How did you end up living on Colony EX7?"

Rose had been dreading this question. How could she explain everything that had happened to her since she last saw him? What would he say when he found out that she had been forced into a marriage with a man who believed that a wife's only purpose was to pleasure her husband and bear children? She had been a failure in both aspects and her body bore the marks of her late husband's disapproval. How could she tell him that the Rose Tyler he had known and cared for was gone? She had fought in vain against Grigo for so long and then one day she realized it would be let him win. But in giving up the battle she had broken her soul and all that was left was empty-shell Rose.

It was simple really. She couldn't tell him. So she lied.

She told him the truth up to a point. She explained about ending up on a colony transport ship (omitting that it carried only women to be shuffled off as baby makers). She explained how she learned new languages in order to communicate with her shipmates. She said she had been forced to disembark at Colony EX7. That was where the details became a bit hazy. She lied, saying that she had gained employment as a maid to make a bit of money so she could buy passage back to Klitori Station.

His face remained unreadable as she spoke. Rose suspected that he knew she was holding back most of the truth. He was silent as she finished her tale. Instead he studied her with those deep brown eyes, eyes that she couldn't bring herself to look into.

Feigning exhaustion, Rose excused herself and headed off to find her old bedroom, leaving the Doctor to mull over his thoughts.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

Rose was leaving something out. The Doctor knew this with absolute certainty. They had been parted for just over eighteen months, possibly some of the worst months in his life. All this time he had believed her to be dead but she wasn't. On the ouside she looked fine and yet….something had happened to her. The Doctor kicked himself for not finding her sooner, for not believing in her enough to realize that she was alive and well.

No…not well. He could see the pain in her eyes. This Rose was submissive and fearful. She seemed ashamed of something and was doing her best to hide it from him.

Turning up on that planet had been an accident. Of course everything in his life seemed to be an accident. But this was the best not-on-purpose thing he had ever done. The first time he saw her across the crowded courthouse he had shook it off as his mind playing tricks. But the more he watched the woman the more he came to realize that it was his Rose. And then she saw him. Time seemed to slow as he ran towards her, gathering her in his arms. He clung to her desperately as tears streamed down both of their faces. He could hear her mumbling in his ear. 

"You're real," she murmured over and over.

"Of course I am," he laughed, still refusing to let her go. "Are you?"

She nodded against his shoulder.

After an eon of holding her, they were forced to relax. He thought that everything would be okay now. The hell that he had gone through without her was over, but he was wrong.

Things seemed different when they returned to the TARDIS. After such a long time apart he wanted to be near her. He NEEDED to touch her, to feel her, to make sure she was real. That imaginary line, that forbade them from being more than friends seemed so unimportant at that moment. 

In fact, the only thing that had stopped him from sweeping her away to his bed had been Rose herself. Other than that first brilliant embrace, she seemed unwilling to let him touch her. For a moment, after she flinched from his hand, the Doctor had thought that she was angry with him. He thought that she hated him for not finding her. But that wasn't the case. It wasn't him that she focused all her hate and anger on; it was herself. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Old lives are not like old clothes. Clothes can be stored in the bottom of dusty closets, sometimes for decades. Sometime they don't fit when brought out again but a quick sew job fixes that. A person cannot just step into a past life. The mind changes shape too much and once the shells of innocence are stripped away it morphs into something new. 

Rose had hoped that the memories would go away after a few weeks. She thought that her old life would drag her from the dark pit but she only sank deeper into depression. Bruises can fade in a few weeks. Cuts can heal over without leaving any marks but the mind can be scarred for a lifetime. Being with the Doctor only made her remember what she had lost.

They remained mostly in the Vortex as Rose was very unwilling to venture outside the TARDIS doors. The Doctor didn't push her. He looked completely content to fiddle on his machine but Rose could feel his eyes on her every time she turned around. He seemed reluctant to ask the questions that clearly burned in his mind. He would eventually. The Doctor had never been very good at staying silent and this regeneration found it harder than the last.

In fear of being confronted, Rose began to stay in her room for most of the time. She came out only to eat did so little of that anyway. (Her stomach seemed unwilling to hold down anything she put in it.)

Days passed in silence and Rose came to suspect that she had left Grigo with more than cuts and bruises. No stomach bug caused a person to hurl every morning with such well-timed efficiency.

That was how Rose found herself locked in her bathroom, staring at the two blue lines on the pregnancy test. It seemed so surreal. She was barely coping with herself and now there was a child to worry about.

Rose couldn't help but laugh. A few months ago, while Grigo's temper was at its peak she would have thought a child was a blessing if only because his beatings would subside. He had been so angry with her for not getting pregnant and now, when she was rid of him forever, her body had decided it was time to have a baby.

Her laughter quickly turned into deep, loud sobbing. Chucking the hated pregnancy test at the door, Rose collapsed into a heap on the floor and cried. She cried for the part of herself that she lost. She cried for her chaotic life that was tangling out of control. She cried for the child in her womb that would be cursed with a defective mother. And then she cried herself to sleep.

Rose never slept without reliving some part of the nightmare that had been her regular life only four or five weeks ago so when a hand on her shoulder startled her into wakefulness she reacted violently. Crying out, she flung herself away from whoever had been touching her. Unfortunately, she had been lying on her small bathroom floor and there wasn't anywhere to escape to. Her leg came in contact with the side of the bathtub and she fell backwards in a convoluted heap, ripping the shower curtain and taking it down with her.

Tangled in the shower curtain and unable to grip against the side of the tub, Rose's brain went into full panic mode. Firm hands lifted her, shower curtain and all, and she was carried from the room. Rose fought her captor with all her strength but her blows were hampered mostly by the fact that she couldn't see her target. Her captor deposited her, still swinging madly, on something soft. Probably a bed. She hated beds. They looked warm and inviting, but had a more sinister purpose.

Suddenly, the shower curtain was ripped off and without thinking she laid a punch square on the jaw of……the Doctor. And then she remembered where she was. She could hear the soft humming of the TARDIS in the background. Glancing down towards her floor, Rose saw the Doctor clutching his jaw.

Scrambling to join him on floor, Rose muttered, "Oh Doctor. I'm so sorry. I thought…I thought…you were…"

He raised his hand to stop her babbling. "It's nothing Rose," he said taking her hand and leading her back to sit on the bed. His lip was clearly bleeding but he ignored it. After making sure that she was seated comfortably he sat down crossed legged on her pillow. "We need to talk." His voice was kind but firm and Rose knew that there would be no escaping this conversation.

Slowly she turned to face him; mimicking his posture and sitting crossed legged on the end of the bed. Rose found herself wishing that she could be seated at his end. That way she'd be able to snag a pillow and wrap it around her stomach as a sort of barrier against the world. As it was she could only cross her arms over her midsection and rock back and forth nervously.

The Doctor waited for Rose to settle a bit before speaking in a calm, clear tone. "I'm sorry I startled you. I don't want you to ever be frightened of me. It's just….These last few weeks have been difficult for you." Though he never took his eyes off her, Rose felt more comfortable staring at a bright pink bit of nail polish that had somehow managed to spill and dry on her duvet.

The Doctor continued to talk, unwavering. "I thought if I gave you time that you would be okay or at least that you would come to talk to me about it. But then today I heard you crying." He paused and Rose noticed that he, too, had found an object to fix his gaze on.

The voice that continued belonged to a man who was struggling to hold himself together. "I've been so worried about you. I heard you crying and I wanted to help but…I thought you might close yourself off even more if I interrupted you. So I…I waited outside your door. I thought listening to you cry was unbearable but the silence was a hundred times worse. And I tried to wait you out. I tried to give you your space."

"I waited out here for hours and then I began to think… I thought you might have…" He turned his face back towards her and their eyes met. He struggled to find the words and his eyes pleaded with Rose to finish his sentence for him.

She remained silent and he was forced to voice his complete theory. "I thought you might have done something to…hurt yourself," he finished quietly.

Rose's jaw dropped in awe. Even at one of her very low points, when she had been locked in a cold, dark, damp cellar with no water and several broken ribs, she had clung to life. Even as she had coughed up a well of blood onto the dirt she had never even considered just ending it. It would have been easier to just die but she wasn't ready. She had always fought against the all-enveloping darkness. Perhaps, Rose realized, her spirit was not as shattered as she had thought.

"I punched you," she blurted out.

This was clearly not the response the Doctor had expected. "You did," he affirmed.

"I thought that the person that I am inside had died, that I had no fight left in me. But I was wrong," she mumbled, mostly to herself. Feeling braver, Rose raised her head to meet the Doctor's gaze. "The girl that would struggle so hard and punch you could never take her life. I could never take my own life."

The Doctor smiled, looking reassured. "I'm…I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I should never have doubted you."

Rose smiled back and for a moment she felt a bit of the old her settle back into her heart. "It's okay," she assured him.

His smile faded and a hand reached into his front pocket. "That's not all," he continued, nervously. Carefully he pulled an object out of his pocket and placed it on the bed between them.

Rose felt her recovered courage slip away as she stared at the pregnancy test. She waited in complete shock and horror for what he would say next.

"The child you carry was not conceived with your consent."

**A/N: I know this is a very disturbing story but this chapter is probably the worst it gets. I don't enjoy bashing poor Rose but I wanted to write a fic where instead of battling aliens the pair have to overcome a psychological trauma. The problem is that Rose is so strong that you really, really have to beat her down before it becomes believable.**

**There is lots of angst and stuff coming but that just makes the 'awww' moments more special.**

**Plz review.**


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Well the response to this story seems to be mostly on the positive side, which kinda surprised me

**A/N: Well the response to this story seems to be mostly on the positive side, which kinda surprised me. Honestly, I was expecting a lot of nasty, opinionated reviews due to the subject matter. I appreciate everyone who has reviewed even the ones that are less positive. Umm... there was something I was gonna say. Oh yah. There is one bad word right at the end of this chapter. Other than that enjoy, or not…whatever really.**

"The child you carry was not conceived with your consent."

It was a statement, not a question. 

Rose went through her mind, trying to grasp at anything she could say to make this okay. How could he not hate her now that he knew? She was dirty, tainted and wretched. More than anything in the universe Rose wanted his approval. She just wouldn't be able to cope with the difficult times to come if he rejected her now.

There just wasn't anything to say. The truth was better than any lie. In the end the only thing she could do was leap into his arms and break into heaving sobs.

Though he seemed startled at first, the Doctor, folded his arms around her, clinging desperately as she sobbed into his chest. She melted further into his embrace and he responded by wrapping his body more tightly around her, even clutching her with his legs and feet and dipping his head down to her shoulder. Both seemed to think that the more they could touch each other, the more it would be okay.

Breathing is a very necessary thing, particularly to Rose who didn't posses a respiratory bypass system and who was also using up most of her oxygen heaving great sobs into the Doctor's shoulder. Because breathing is so important, Rose was eventually forced to loosen her death grip on the Doctor and pull away. Unwilling to let her go, he was pulled back with her. Both lost their balance causing them to tumble into a tangled mass on the floor.

Unperturbed, the Doctor pulled the duvet and a couple pillows down to the floor with them. Rose snuggled up close with her back towards him. In turn, the Doctor thrust a pillow beneath both their heads and draped his arms over her, gently stroking her arm. The TARDIS hummed and dimmed the lights slightly.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Eventually they lay unspeaking, the silence only occasionally broken by a small hiccup from Rose. Rose had cried for nearly an hour and had finally drifted into an exhausted sleep. The Doctor was glad for the quiet. It gave him a chance to collect himself. He didn't notice the hard floor or that Rose had managed to get the larger portion of the blanket. These things were trivial. The only thing that mattered was the fragile woman in his arms.

His arm drifted down to her abdomen. Laying his hand on her stomach, he tried to sense the life within her. He easily found the vibrations of a new life starting to form within Rose's womb. Although her stomach was completely flat, she was almost three months along. It wasn't surprising that she hadn't known until now. With all the stress she went through her hormones would have gone haywire. 

As the Doctor slid his hand up Rose's body he frowned as he noticed each and every sunken rib. It seemed amazing she could become pregnant at all with so little weight on her lithe frame. Her diet would have to change if she was going to carry this child to term. If she even wanted to.

His scowl deepened further as he noticed a large bump on her fourth rib. At some point in the last year she had cracked it but it had healed poorly. The rib almost felt like it had been re-broken several times as it attempted to knit back together. A closer inspection revealed similar bumps on three more ribs, one of which was barely healed. She had been back with him for over a month and said nothing about it. At this stage it probably still twinged when she breathed heavily. All of this crying wouldn't have aided the healing process at all.

With nimble fingers and knowing he was invading Rose's privacy, the Doctor continued his exam. Each new discovery felt like a kick in the stomach. Her shoulders revealed the scars of what may have been tooth marks. He could feel long cord-like scars on her back that must have been from a thin cane or a whip. Her right wrist had been broken and never set properly. That would have to be fixed fairly soon or else she risked never gaining full motion back. If all of these injuries could be found just by touching her, he was loath to imagine how many other scars lay hidden from his fingers.

The silence that he had been thankful for only a short while ago had become a curse. For the last few weeks he'd watched Rose fall deeper and deeper into depression, unsure of how to help her. Afraid that confrontation would scare her further away, the Doctor had only his imagination to guess the cause of Rose's behavior. Now it seemed even his worse fears paled in comparison to the hell Rose had experienced. Not had been torture, but that was before he had discovered these old injuries, before he discovered she was pregnant, before she HADN'T denied that she'd been raped.

What kind of nightmare had she been living in? How did she come to be in such a fragile condition both mentally and physically? He imagined many scenarios, each more horrible than the last and all fitting the evidence presented on her body.

Rose moaned pitifully in her sleep, temporarily interrupting his distressing thoughts. The moaning continued and was followed by violent shaking.

It took a few minutes for the Doctor to realize that the moaning was actually talking. "Please…no…don't…please…stop…hurts," she groaned, getting louder she finally sat upright shouting, "STOP!"

"Rose, its okay. You're in the TARDIS. You're safe," he soothed.

Rose sat completely still in the dim light for several minutes before settling back into her previous position. "I don't think I can talk about it."

"You don't have to."

After rolling over to face him, she grabbed his hand in hers and said, "You're real."

"Of course I am," he chuckled.

"No," Rose interrupted, "You don't understand. When I was…away. I began to think that I made you up, that you were just this thing in my head. That this…" She sighed. "I don't know how to explain it."

The Doctor gripped her tiny hand in his. "You don't have to explain unless you want to."

"Ok," Rose answered before closing her eyes and drifting back to sleep.

An 'ok' would not be enough to settle the Doctor's raging mind. He understood Rose's fear of talking about her recent trauma. After all this time, he still hadn't told her what had happened to his people. Had he taught her to keep things bottled up inside?

With a sigh the Doctor tried to move on to less terrifying ideas. She was here, in his arms, after he believed that he would never be able to hold her again. She trusted him and she was beginning to open up to him. Was he not the Lord of Time? He could wait for the rest of her life. And that it was going to be a very long, full one. He would make sure of that. With that thought he finally let oblivion take him.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

A curious tickling sensation pulled Rose from her slumber. She opened her eyes to see a large fuzzy, silver ball. It was Skit and the only reason he looked large was he happened to be perched on her nose. She smiled and retrieved her precious pet, placing him on the floor next to her.

Skit had been her saving grace during her life with Grigo. Both small and shy, the mouse-like chtu had remained hidden to everyone except Rose. He'd been clinging to the back of her neck when the Doctor found her, which was a blessing else she may have left him behind. Since boarding the TARDIS she had seen little of him due to his intense curiosity and love of exploring. Perhaps the tiny creature had sensed that she didn't need him for quiet comfort anymore. Skit was an impeccable judge of character. Just being out in the open with another person (albeit a sleeping person) was proof that Rose was no longer in any danger.

Apparently Skit thought it was high time he was introduced to the Doctor because he started a vigorous inspection of his ear. The Doctor mumbled and batted at the annoyance. The annoyance squeaked quite offended...into the Doctor's ear. Startled into consciousness, the Doctor rolled over to face his attacker.

After blinking several times, he glanced up at Rose. "What is that?"

"You should know," Rose answered. "It's a chtu. His name's Skit."

"Oh," he replied. "Yours?"

"Yep."

The Doctor shook his head in bemusement. "You're always trying to decorate my home with your pets. First there's your pretty boys Adam and Jack, and then you bring the Idiot on board. And then when I manage to get it back to just you and me, you fill the place up with rats and babies."

It was a joke. Rose knew he meant it as a joke but that didn't stop it from being a completely insensitive, inappropriate and a cruel thing to say. For the first time in forever, she had woken up content and mildly relaxed and the Doctor had just brought her nightmare crashing down again.

Rose was almost happy when a sudden wave of nausea forced her to make a hasty retreat to her bathroom. Locking the door behind her she wretched the final contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. Silent tears joined the mess that got flushed away to wherever the TARDIS put it.

Not wanting to face the Doctor, Rose jumped into the shower. It didn't matter how long she stood under the hot spray, she never felt clean afterwards. She could lather perfumed soaps all over but Grigo's scent still clung to her nostrils everywhere she went. Even after rubbing her skin raw, she could feel his hands probing her flesh. There was no escape. He was dead and gone but still he tortured her every waking hour and most of her nights.

Rose emerged, dripping, from the shower and wrapped the largest, fluffiest towel she could find around her shoulders. She couldn't look at her body naked without revulsion anymore. She had never been 100 satisfied with herself before but now, after being told over and that she was grotesque and incompetent, her flaws just overpowered her senses. Why would Grigo have despised her so much if the things he said weren't true?

Creaking the door open, Rose checked to make sure the Doctor was gone. He was. She padded over to her dresser and got dressed as quickly as possible. Gone were the days of jeans and tight fitting t-shirts. Now she preferred to don loose sweats and baggy hoodies, as if the extra layers might protect her from the outside world.

She pulled her hair into a loose ponytail. She had considered cutting it all off after returning to the TARDIS. A lot of the brown color had grown back. Instead she just re-dyed it, hoping that just looking at her old self would bring her back. It hadn't worked but she did like the way it looked so she left it. It was ironic that the only thing she didn't hate about herself was completely fake.

An enticing smell wafted beneath her door. The source was not difficult to find. Rose found the Doctor in the kitchen, dressed in a clean suit, with a pin-striped apron tied around his waist. The sight was too comical for Rose to suppress a nervous giggle.

The Doctor whirled around. "Ah, there you are," he beamed. Turning back to his task, he continued, "I thought you could use a good, proper breakfast. Besides, Skit made it very clear that he was hungry." He motioned to the chtu, who had his own place set at the table and was happily chowing on a banana.

In his enthusiasm he had forgotten about the frying pan on the stove, which began to produce billows of charcoal smoke. Rose tried to rescue the burnt remains of…something but the Doctor shooed her away.

"Sit down," he urged.

She obeyed and watched his wild attempt at cooking. In the end, he was forced to abandon his amazing breakfast plans in favor of cereal, fruit and slightly darkened toast. He sat down opposite to her and went straight for a banana. Rose took a bite out her toast.

"Aren't you going to put something on it?" he asked.

Rose stopped mid-chew. She'd forgotten that that was what one did with toast. Setting it down, she reached for the marmalade and smothered a thick layer on top. The result was absolutely divine. How long had it been since food tasted good?

"Sorry 'bout it being burnt," the Doctor murmured apologetically.

"S'ok," assured Rose. "I'm used to it. I only ever got to eat the burnt scraps anyway." She threw the comment out without thinking. It was the truth after all.

A frown appeared on the Doctor's face as he ate but he said nothing about it. Rose finished her piece of toast and nibbled on an apple. After taking a few bites, she put it down and started to gather up her dishes.

"What are you doing?" the Doctor queried.

"Washing up," she answered.

"Sit," he said firmly.

She sat.

"First off," he announced. " You don't have to clean up."

"But..."

He didn't let her finish. "And secondly, you didn't eat enough to fill up even little Skit here." Skit squeaked indignantly at the comment but continued to nibble on his breakfast.

"I had enough," she assured him. "Just not used to eating breakfast. That's all."

Not backing down, the Doctor asked, "Are you used to eating lunch?"

Rose said nothing.

"What about dinner? Huh? Do you eat anything?" His eyes flashed and his tone was firm and challenging.

Rose opened her mouth but no reply would come.

Not finished, the Doctor continued his lecture. "I know things were bad for you and a real meal wasn't always a possibility but you're back now. You've been back for over a month and getting food is no longer an issue but still you eat less than a bird. Clearly you are not able to tell what's good for you anymore so until you can, you will defer to my judgment. Now," he pointed to the food in front of her. "You're gonna finish that apple, have a bite of cereal and maybe another piece of toast. And you're not leaving this table until you do." And then, as if nothing had happened, he returned to happily munching his banana.

Completely shocked, Rose sat unmoving.

The Doctor waited until his mouth was no longer full before speaking. "Well," he prompted.

Rose blinked and one treacherous tear slid down her face. She wasn't mad or angry with the Doctor. He was right and she knew it but she should have noticed. He shouldn't have order her around like a child.

The Doctor softened. "Look Rose, I'm sorry, but you're skin and bones. You're three months pregnant for Rasillion's sake. Eat and stop punishing yourself."

Rose poured a few Corn Flakes into the bottom of her bowl. Mechanically she grabbed the milk and sloshed a few drops on top. With a frustrated sigh, the Doctor grabbed the cereal, filled his bowl to the top, covered it in milk and heaped a couple teaspoons of sugar over the lot. He then wrenched Rose's own bowl out of her grasp and replaced it with his, leaving a soggy trail of milk on the table as he slid it along.

"This isn't negotiable Rose. You WILL eat and if you don't I WILL stick a needle in your arm and feed you intravenously."

Rose ate. She couldn't finish the whole bowl but she did make it through half of it before putting her spoon down and moving on to her apple. It felt good to have a full stomach. She'd forgotten what it felt like to be full. The Doctor stayed and monitored her progress, keeping up an animated, rather one-sided, conversation with Skit about the virtues of bananas.

When she finally put down her spoon the Doctor beamed proudly at her, as if she had run a marathon or discovered the cure for cancer. She didn't feel proud. All she'd done was eat some breakfast. It would all probably come up again in an hour anyway.

Skit wandered over and begged permission to climb up her arm. She lowered her hand for him. After he was settled comfortably, Rose cleared away her dishes and attempted to put the kitchen back together. She was up to her elbows in dishes when a pair of arms wrapped around her stomach. She flinched but recovered quickly. She couldn't relax but at least she didn't feel the need to pull away.

The Doctor didn't say anything as rubbed the place where the baby grew. He kept his breathing very controlled and Rose remained very still.

"Is that how you knew how far along I was?" she asked after several minutes.

He didn't answer right away and Rose began to wonder if he had even heard her when he finally let out a sigh and pulled her tightly against his body. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he murmured directly into her ear. "It's a girl."

Rose sighed in relief. Part of her had been very scared of the baby being a boy. Wouldn't a son turn out just like his daddy? She let out an involuntary shudder at the thought of being forced to look at the exact replica of Grigo every day.

"Are you okay?" the Doctor asked, voice laced with concern.

She sighed and leaned into his embrace, finally relaxing.

Still without an answer the Doctor spoke. "You're going to keep it, right? I never asked. I just assumed…"

Rose didn't answer right away. She would never get rid of the child. That had never even been a possibility in her mind. No, it was the vulnerability in the Doctor's voice as he spoke about it that shocked her into silence. He had seen so much death in his lifetime that even the unborn child of an evil man was precious.

"I'm keeping her," she assured him. _After all,_ Rose thought, _a child is not responsible for her parents._

And suddenly it hit Rose. She was pregnant. She was going to be a mum. In six months. It was too soon. She needed to get a crib, and clothes, and…money. She needed money for diapers and bottles and rent. She'd have to find a place to live. Her mum was gone now, locked in a parallel world while Rose had chosen to stay behind with the Doctor. She very, nearly fell into the void that day and ever since Canary Warf had become a taboo subject between them.

But now, because of her choice, Rose wouldn't even have her mother's help. It was too much to do alone. She wouldn't be able to handle it all. She couldn't breathe and the room started to spin as her knees buckled beneath her. A distant voice called out her name but she could barely hear over the roaring in her ears. The kitchen disappeared and her breathing only became more ragged as strange lights flashed over her head. The roaring was deafening and she could see the walls of darkness closing in on the edge of her vision. Closer. Closer. And then they crashed together with a splintering whine then….

A mask was shoved over her face and pure, sweet oxygen rushed into her starving lungs. The blackness dissipated and the Doctor's face swung into view. He was telling her to take deep breaths, mimicking his own instructions. She breathed in time with him and slowly the roaring stopped and her brained cleared.

With her breathing firmly under control, she tried to bat the mask away from her mouth but the Doctor held it firmly in place.

"Not yet," he said. "Just give it a few more minutes."

She complied, focusing entirely on her breathing. He turned the job of keeping the mask in place over to her while he rummaged through some of the med bay's drawers. He found what he had been looking for and proceeded to scan her stomach with it.

Rose's brain was, once more, flooded with panic. She started to sit up. Taking the mask off, she asked, "Is she okay?"

The Doctor placed the mask back over her mouth and pushed her gently onto her back. "She's fine," he soothed. "I'm just making sure. Hyperventilating can disrupt the fetus's oxygen supply but we got it under control so quickly that it won't have caused any problems."

Rose was not reassured. She'd only found out about the pregnancy less than twenty-four hours ago and she'd already nearly killed the baby. What kind of mother was she anyway?

The Doctor conducted a thorough scan before pronouncing the baby perfectly healthy. "The mother on the other hand," he added as he scanned her up and down, "has broken five ribs and her right radius in the last year. One rib isn't even done healing and your wrist was never set properly. Rose, you could have told me."

"I'm sorry," she murmured from beneath the mask.

He smiled and took the mask from her grip, placing it back on its rack. "I can fix both problems but the wrist is going to hurt a bit. Okay?"

She nodded.

"Alright then. Sit up."

Fixing her wrist didn't hurt nearly as much as it had when she broke it. Skit wandered down from his perch and watched from a nearby counter. The Doctor didn't say anything as he worked, though his sour expression showed Rose exactly where his thoughts were dwelling.

Unable to bear the silence Rose spoke up. "The wrist was an accident."

"I'm sure it was," he answered with obvious disbelief.

"No really," she urged. "I fell, well…slipped down the stairs and twisted it in the railing."

"And who pushed you?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"No one," Rose insisted. "The wrist was truly an accident. It could have happened to anyone."

"Ok. I believe you."

"I'm telling the truth," Rose implored.

"I said I believe you but what about the ribs, and the bite marks on your neck and the whip marks on your back. You've dislocated this shoulder by the looks of it. And the scan showed evidence of internal bruising. What about that scar above your eye? Were those accidents too?" He hadn't meant to sound so harsh but finding more evidence of abuse only flared his temper.

"How did you know about my back?" she demanded angrily.

"I noticed it last night when you were sleeping," he admitted.

"You had no right!"

"Didn't I?"

"This is my body and I say what goes on with it," she replied coldly.

"Yah," he challenged. "And how's that been working for you so far?"

She slapped him, hard. "Fuck you!" she whispered, cooly as she tore her newly repaired wrist from his grasp and ran out of the room.

**A/N: I do not approve of bad language and I never, ever use it, let alone write it but… it just seemed appropriate. I couldn't think of a more believable reaction to what the Doctor said. He can be such a git. I didn't plan it that way, it just ended up like that. **

**When writing, I spend most of my time trying to keep the characters under control. It's like my fingers and my brain are in this constant battle over what happens next. Sooo annoying.**

**Anyway, I hope you liked the long update. I couldn't find a place to break it up so you got it in one lump. Don't you feel special? Now make me feel special and review. Plzzzzzzzz.**


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Well another chapter

**A/N: Well another chapter. Not nearly as long as the last few. Sorry. In case you forgot, the Doctor said something really, really mean to Rose and now has to extract his foot from his mouth. **

Oops.

No, oops didn't really cover it.

Douple oops.

Nah. Still not good enough. Clearly it was time for the Doctor to go stick his over-sized, stupid Time Lord head in a blender in hopes of knocking just a wee bit of sense into it. And just to be on the safe side, perhaps he should sew his mouth shut while he was at it.

What could possibly have possessed him to say a thing like that to Rose? At any time it would have been horrible but in her current state it was down right cruel. It was inhuman. But he wasn't human. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he was no better than the arrogant, pompous Time Lords who had worn funny hats and looked down on the other inferior races of the universe. No, the truth was they had been better than him.

He'd spoken in anger but it hadn't been directed at her. He knew that all of her pain could have easily been prevented if he had just believed in her. A quick scan of the security tapes at the station would have revealed that she hadn't been anywhere near the bomb when it went off. He could have tracked her down and had her safe in bed that evening. Instead she had endured eighteen months of torture.

He could go back and change it. He had that power. It would probably shred the whole universe but that seemed like such a small price. But he couldn't do that. Rose would never go for it. The only thing left to do was to swallow his pride and hope that he could fix this so he could then fix her.

He thought she'd be packing when he found her but she wasn't. She was in the bathroom, bringing up all the progress she had made at breakfast that morning. The door was locked.

He knocked, tentatively.

Her answer was loud and firm. "Go away!"

"Rose…I…" Words seemed so insubstantial. He could shout 'sorry' from the rooftops and it wouldn't matter.

Her retching grew more violent and the Doctor had to hold himself back from barging in there just to make sure she was okay.

After a few moments, the sound died away. "Whatever you've come to say, say it so you can leave," she choked.

"I…" he started. "I don't know what I came say but I do know that what I said earlier was very cruel. I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry." He sighed, leaned his back against the door and slowly slid down into a sitting position.

He heard movement from behind the door. Rose had turned on the water. After a few minutes and some loud gurgling he felt the door shift as she sat, leaning on the opposite side. "I know why you said it," she murmured quietly. "I understand that you're angry at me for not telling you I was hurt."

He had been prepared for tears, and screaming. He even expected to get slapped again but this felt worse than her hand across his face. She had just taken the terrible thing that he had done and turned made it her fault. "Rose," he began, "what I said was inexcusable, no matter the reason and you are in no way responsible for it."

"It's not what you said that bothers me so much," explained Rose in a quiet, defeated tone. "It's just…is that what you think of me? That I should have fought harder? That I gave up too quickly? That I'm weak?"

"Oh Rose," he moaned. "Never, never."

"You don't have to lie to me," she spat, fiercely. "I could have been stronger. I should have found a way to escape. I'm repulsive and incompetent and I deserved what I got."

"Don't you say that, Rose Tyler," the Doctor demanded. "Don't you ever say that again!" It took all his willpower to stop himself from pounding down the door right then and there.

"Why not?" she sniffed. "It's the truth."

"I don't believe that for one nanosecond," he replied firmly.

Her response broke his hearts. "I do," she whispered.

The Doctor sighed. "Why don't you come out here so we can talk properly?" he suggested, pleadingly.

No sound came from the behind the door and the Doctor waited. Seconds stretched into minutes that slowly dragged by with only an occasional sniff from Rose. If this was a waiting game, she would lose. He had spent eighteen months wishing he could talk to her just once more. And now, by some miracle of the universe, she had returned to him.

"I tried to contact Jackie," he murmured quietly after saying nothing for over an hour. "I thought she should no that you were d… that you were gone. I couldn't find a way though." Rose made no response so he continued. "I'm glad I didn't now. She probably would have ripped through the void and smacked me."

"I miss her," Rose admitted, breaking her silence.

The Doctor let out a long breath. "I should have made you go with her. None of this would have happened and you'd be safe and happy with your family."

"It's not your fault. I made my choice and mum understood," she assured him.

The leaned his head against the door and stared hopelessly at the ceiling. "I know that I should regret not making you go but…I can't. I just can't regret it," he admitted.

The bathroom door opened and the Doctor found himself lying on his back looking up at Rose. She smiled hesitantly. "You and me best mates forever, eh?" she asked.

He nodded. "Forever."

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Rose."

"I'm really craving pickles."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The days passed in varying degrees of ups and downs. Sometimes Rose felt good, normal even but then a familiar smell or a sudden noise would bring the memories back in a flood of pain. She did her best to hide these attacks from the Doctor. Almost two months of just hovering in the Vortex had begun to take its toll. He took out his excess energy on the TARDIS but one can rewire the console only so many times.

One morning Rose sat, feet curled beneath her, in the 'Captain's chair' of the main console room. She was nearly four months along and had begun having trouble finding pants that fit over her 'bump'. As the time flew by and Rose grew no closer to finding a way to support herself and her child she became more moody and irrational. Or maybe it was the hormones; she couldn't really tell.

Every morning, as she ate her breakfast (under the Doctor's watchful eye), she wondered if today would be the day he took her back home. Surely he wouldn't wait until he baby was born. That would be too domestic for him. How much longer did she have before his guilt from losing her wore off? Not enough.

A happy whistling floated into the console room as the Doctor moved down the hallway. He always made some sort of noise when approaching her. Even with this warning, she still flinched if he touched her. He wandered lazily around the console, flipping buttons and pulling random levers. Eventually he looked down at her and she noticed his eyes flit down to where her hands rested protectively over her stomach.

"You're gonna need some new clothes," he noted.

"Oh, I'm okay still," she answered, nervously, a million thoughts racing through her mind. Was this it? He'd said so little about the baby but maybe now that she had really began to show he would kick her out.

"Oh sorry, I'm looking for Rose Tyler. Do you know her?" he joked. "You might have seen her. Very attractive? Blonde? Has nose for trouble? Oh and she would never miss out on a chance to go shopping on unlimited credit."

Rose couldn't help but let out a faint smile. "I'm not sure…"

"You really need to do this," he interrupted. "It won't get any easier if you wait.

He was right so she nodded her consent.

"Brilliant," he exclaimed before sending his magnificent ship hurtling through the Vortex.

_Brilliant?_ Since when had the Doctor ever thought of a trip to the mall as brilliant? His normal reaction would have been something like 'Awww do we have to?' Of course normally she would feel giddy with excitement and not cold, hard dread.

They landed with a surprisingly small jolt. "Your driving has improved," Rose commented. "I'm beginning to think you were just showing off before."

To Rose's great amusement, the Doctor turned a slight pink color and muttered some excuse about the dimensional stabilizers. The Doctor grabbed his coat and walked through the doors. Rose followed but stopped right in the doorway. Seeing that she had halted, the Doctor walked back and slid his hand in to hers. With a deep breath, Rose stepped out of the TARDIS for the first time since being rescued from EX7.

**A/N: I ended up changing that whole apology scene between the Doctor and Rose. The old one was good and in some ways a lot better but it kinda killed the rest of the story cuz it resolved too many issues. Oh well it can't be helped.**

**On a slightly unrelated note I had a super happy moment on the phone with my dad last night. Apparently, in a recent fit of boredom, he dragged out my copies of Doctor Who season One and has only one episode left to go. He was asking me all sorts of questions about it. He really likes Christopher Eccleston's version of the Doctor. It makes me so happy to think I may have been responsible for the creation of another Who addict.**

**Anyway plz review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Well another chapter done and ready to post. Enjoy.**

Rose let herself be dragged through the crowded mall. Actually the 'crowd' probably only amounted to about a dozen other shoppers but it felt like thousands. She could feel the eyes of everyone they passed burn into her flesh making her pull her jacket more tightly around her body. Maybe she should have worn a parka.

The Doctor gave her hand an encouraging squeeze as they approached a maternity wear store. She had fully expected him to leave her at the entrance and wander off in search of less feminine stores but he walked right inside with her.

A cheerful saleswoman greeted them. "Hello I'm Annie. Can I help you with anything?" She flashed a genuine smile at Rose who only clung more tightly to the Doctor's hand.

"Well um…Rose is pregnant," the Doctor said, rather unnecessarily.

Annie, the saleswoman, gave Rose a knowing nod as she showed her a few popular items. Similar to all great geniuses, the Doctor became engrossed in discovering the hidden working of the simplest contraptions like, for instance, pants with super expandable waists. The two women left him playing in a corner to use the fitting rooms.

"Is the your first?" Annie asked as she helped Rose sort through the pile of 'maybes'.

"Yah," Rose answered. "Is it that obvious?"

"Oh don't worry," Annie assured her. "When you see pregnant women all day you begin to have a sixth sense about those kinda things. I could even tell that my sister was expecting before she did."

Rose smiled shyly and headed into the stall to try a few different things.

"You're gonna be fine though," continued Annie. "That man out there is completely smitten. Though," she started to sound concerned, "is he supposed to be eating that?"

Rose quickly peeked out the door to see the Doctor licking a pair of yellow baby booties. "Doctor," she called harshly.

He jumped and discovering that he had been caught in the act. "They look so much like bananas that I thought I'd just give a little taste," he said sheepishly.

Rose rolled her eyes and pulled a few new pairs of pants into the change room with her. Nine hundred years of time and space and the Doctor was still barely past the toddler stage. Thankfully her baby was going to be one hundred percent human.

"I must say," reflected Annie, "I don't envy you trying to raise HIS child."

Rose choked on her own laughter. The Doctor, hearing her coughing, hurried over. "Are you okay Rose?"

"Yep," squeaked Rose. "Just fine."

Wanting to get out of there, Rose sorted through the rest of the items quickly and let the Doctor take care of the actual purchasing. Normally he would have grumbled at being forced to carry all her packages but he grabbed all the bags without complaint. Rose tried to take a couple but he insisted. She grumbled and he finally handed her the smallest one.

"I can carry my own stuff," she remarked as they headed back to the TARDIS.

"I'm sure you can," he answered, "but can you imagine the looks I'd get if I made YOU, the pregnant one, carry everything. Oh do you smell that?" he asked as they passed the food court. "I fancy chips. What about you?"

Rose didn't fancy chips. What she really wanted was to get away from all these people and the noise and the looks. The Doctor didn't really give her a choice, as he was already ordering two plates of fresh, golden chips. Rose sat at a nearby table while he waited at the counter.

He tottered over, balancing both orders of chips in one hand while still carrying the bags of clothing. "This was so much easier when you were the one paying for everything," he commented, cheerily.

"You always were a terrible date," she added smugly. "You took me to watch my planet blow up and then I had to buy the dinner."

The Doctor just stared at her face happily. "What?" Rose finally asked.

"I was just thinking..." He stopped and looked down at his plate. "It's just nice to see you smile again."

Rose blushed and looked away self-consciously. "Oh don't stop," he pleaded. "I've missed it."

She gave him a shy, faltering grin and he beamed back at her. "See," he urged, "the world doesn't end because Rose Tyler is happy. I should think it would be the opposite."

Rose turned the color of her name and dug into her chips. "Good to see you've got your appetite back," he commented, as he watched her finish off the last crumbs and start on his. "What do you want to do next? We could go buy some more stuff. A crib, maybe?"

She shook her head, swallowed her mouthful and answered. "No, I want to wait until I know how much space I'm gonna have before I get the crib. I'll probably end up having to share a bedroom with her."

The Doctor wrinkled his forehead in confusion. "How much space you're gonna have?"

"Well think about it Doctor," she said. "I've don't have any A-Levels. I have no formal training in anything and I'll have a baby. Who's gonna hire me, other than some place like the shop I was workin' in before?" She sighed, dejectedly and pushed away the rest of the Doctor's chips. "All my family's gone. I'm gonna be just like my mum, raising a daughter alone, with no father."

The Doctor looked hurt, like he had been kicked. "Oh," he murmured. "I hoped…I thought maybe… never mind. Are you done eating?"

She nodded and helped him clear away they paper plates and collect the packages. They walked back together in stony silence. As she unlocked the TARDIS door, Rose found herself wondering if it may be one of the last times she got to do that. As they entered the console room, Rose felt all her energy flow out and she was forced to drop her bag and lean against a pillar. The Doctor placed his armload on in an empty space on the floor and began to moodily press buttons. The TARDIS seemed to move into the Vortex with angry jerking.

"Maybe you could help me find a place?" Rose put forth cautiously.

The Doctor's answer was both forceful and violent. He looked straight at her, his dark eyes burning with pain and said, "No!"

Rose jumped back, slightly shaken but the Doctor advanced on her before she even had time to think. He placed his hands firmly on her shoulder. "You're not leaving. I can't watch you walk out that door. Please," he begged, "please don't make me."

Rose let out a shaky breath. The anger in his eyes, the closeness of his body and the feeling of his cold hands gripping her shoulder brought a cascade of frightening memories to her vision. She struggled to keep them at bay but as they overwhelmed her senses she felt her knees buckle beneath her. Rolling into a tiny ball, Rose rocked back and forth as wave after wave of terrifying images pounded her mind.

Long arms surrounded her, pulling her into a warm embrace as the Doctor spoke soothing words into her ear. Rose fought to maintain her hold on reality as tears leaked through her tightly shut eyelids.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, over and over. "I'm so sorry."

"You weren't there," she spat, angrily. "I waited for you to come, even after I stopped believing in you. What took you so long?" She pounded his chest, not caring how much she hurt him.

"Oh Rose." His voice cracked and she could feel his pain reflected in each syllable. "I ask myself that every day. It's my fault, all of it. I wish I could change it but I just can't."

Rose stopped her wild attack and pulled him into a fierce hug. He clung to her more fiercely than ever before, as though his very life depended on it. "Please don't leave me," he pleaded. "I know you hate me but please don't go."

Rose sniffed through her tears and replied, "I never hated you."

"Then stay," he begged.

"I want to but…" she sniffed.

The Doctor stopped her. "Don't answer now," he said, voice laced with desperation. "Just think about it."

Rose didn't need to think about it. She knew she'd have to decline. He wanted her to stay now but how long before the call of the universe started to wear on his patience? How long before he started to see her as a burden and treat her with contempt?

Even Grigo had treated her tenderly at first but soon grew frustrated with her unwillingness to co-operate. He had turned hard and cruel and took what he wanted when it pleased him. Weren't all men, human or otherwise, the same? She desperately wanted to be wrong, to believe the Doctor was different. But if she was right it would break her. Better to leave before finding out.

But in that moment, as the Doctor desperately clung to her, she couldn't deny him. "I'll think about it," she whispered. He let out a shuddering breath and held her closer, if that was even possible.

Rose loosened her arms, trying to extract herself from his grip. "I should put my new clothes away."

"Hmm," he mumbled. "Oh yah, I'll help you carry them."

"No really, its okay let me do it." In a flash she gathered up the bags into her arms and made a hasty retreat to the solitude of her bedroom.

**A/N: I actually really like that chapter. It's short and sweet but I think the story really needed one set entirely from Rose's POV. Oh Rose is being so silly.**

**I fear I might have to beat the Doctor soon because he is being entirely too perfect. Grrrr. But maybe it's not so out of character considering how badly he wants to make things better for Rose. But no worries. He can't resist trouble forever.**

**Plz, plz, plz, review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. I kept changing it. The length of the bits that I keep cutting out probably rival the length of what has been posted. Grrr. I'm so weird about getting this fic right.**

Bags scattered over the floor as Rose lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. Her head was a jumbled mess of stray thoughts. As if sensing her need, Skit crawled from one of his many hiding spots to nuzzle her ear.

Rose squirmed. "That tickles."

She picked up her tiny pet and placed him on her chest. He sniffed her hands for food; upon finding none he cocked his head from side to side expectantly.

She giggled. "You're getting spoiled. I bet the Doctor has been slipping you treats when I wasn't looking."

Rose frowned in concentration. Grigo would have killed Skit without a thought if he had known about the chtu yet the Doctor cared about her pet. Maybe he was different. Was it possible that she could trust him? She had once but that was so long ago.

Setting Skit aside, Rose methodically placed her new clothes in her drawers. Once, a long time ago, she would have tried every single outfit on again and maybe even shown off a few to the Doctor. She wouldn't have cared that they were scattered around her room all mixed in with the dirty clothes. Now order meant something to her. She had so little control over her life that she could no longer bear having her things moved out of place. Besides Grigo had beaten her senseless for lesser offences than an untidy room.

Rose shook her head in frustration. Grigo wasn't there but still he controlled every aspect of her life. He invaded her dreams and haunted her mind. Try as she might there was no escape.

Rose didn't talk to the Doctor for the rest of the day. Actually she didn't even see him but she wasn't exactly looking either. It was unusual for him not to ensure that she ate a proper dinner but she shrugged it off, glad for a chance to eat without him scrutinizing every single mouthful.

As the sleeping hours approached, Rose felt a familiar sense of dread sweep over her. Every night she would stay up as long as possible, hoping that pure exhaustion would send her into a dreamless sleep. It never worked and that night was no better than the rest. Actually it was worst.

Wrapped in her blankets on the floor (she never slept on the bed anymore) Rose relived her worst moments with Grigo. His hands on her body, his stinking breath on her face. It felt so real, so horrific.

She woke with a jolt and lay, completely still in the darkness. Moving would wake HIM up and then he would…no she was safe in the TARDIS. And yet she still saw every gruesome memory playing before her eyes. It was too much. Gathering a blanket around her shoulders, Rose bolted for the door.

The Doctor wasn't in the console room, or the library, or the kitchen. After searching everywhere, Rose found herself standing in front of the last possible place: is bedroom. She was filled with terror at the thought of going in but thought of spending another night trapped with her nightmares seemed worse. Taking a deep breath, she nudged the door open.

Closing the door behind her, Rose crept silently through the gloom. She could just make out a faint outline of a body beneath the blankets. Mustering all the courage in her being, Rose pulled the corners of her blanket tighter around her shoulders with one hand and reached out the other to poke the sleeping form.

His reaction was instant and violent. In a moment he had jumped from the bed, ready to defend himself from his attacker. Rose let out a little squeak and cowered against the wall. The dark outline relaxed.

"Rose?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, now desperately wishing she had stayed in her own room.

He moved around the bed and stretched a hand towards her. She, in turn, tried to melt even closer to with wall, sinking to the floor. He withdrew his arm and crouched in front of her.

"Is everything okay," he asked, voice laced with concern.

She shook her head, forgetting that he could barely see her in the darkened room. "Couldn't sleep," she mumbled.

He reached out and gently grabbed her hand. "Come sleep with me," he insisted.

She gasped and pulled her hand away, bringing the blanket tighter around her body for protection.

"Rose," he sighed, "I didn't mean it that way. You know that right? I've never forced a woman and I never will. Ever."

He said it so simply. His words sounded so true, so real. And in that moment, Rose knew that he was telling the truth. An enormous weight lifted from her shoulders as she let him take her hand and lead her to the bed. She realized, as he pulled the blankets up over her and climbed in next to her, that he wore only a pair of boxers. As his bare legs touched hers she recoiled like she had been burnt. Dark memories flooded her subconscious and she stiffened in fear.

Gently, the Doctor sidled up against her back, placing one hand on her shoulder and the other on her forehead. "Shhhh," he whispered over and over. "It'll be okay."

"You don't know that," she whispered fiercely through angry tears.

He stroked her hair gently. "I know you," he soothed. "You're brave and strong and you always survive."

"I was. Before…" she murmured as sheer exhaustion pulled her into sleep.

* * *

The Doctor dozed for several hours but real rest eluded him. The pain of not knowing exactly what had happened to Rose still haunted his daily thoughts. Sure he had formed a fairly solid educated guess but he still didn't know.

He felt her tense and moan beneath his arm. Another nightmare was trying to invade her mind. She started to writhe violently and he knew he should wake her but… Perhaps he could catch a tiny glimmer of what was going on in her head.

No. Invading her mind without her permission was wrong. And yet, as he watched her fight the nightmare, the Doctor felt the irresistible urge to peek at what was going on.

'It might help her he reasoned.

'No', said the other half of his brain. 'It will only satisfy your own guilt. If she wanted you to know she would tell you.'

'But she doesn't know what she wants right now,' whined the part of him that wanted to look.

On and on the war raged in his head until Rose gave a piteous cry in her sleep and the Doctor reached to comfort her. As he pushed her sweat-drenched hair away from her face he felt a small tug on his mind.

"_Stupid woman!"_

Decision made, the Doctor let himself be pulled into Rose's memory.

"_You were chattin' him up. I saw you."_

_The owner of the voice wrapped his ugly hands around the Doctor's…no Rose's neck. He felt the wind leave his own body as Rose struggled against her attacker._

_"I wasn't," Rose promised. "He was just asking if I knew when you were sending your hogs off to market."_

_A hand came out of nowhere and smacked her across the face. "Don't lie to me, woman." He threw her across the room and the Doctor cringed as he felt her ribs crack against the stone wall. She collapsed in a heap on the floor._

_"Useless girl," Grigo spat. "If you want to stay down here fine." He stomped up the stairs and locks the door behind him._

_Rose lay, heaving on the cold dirt floor as pain exploded from her ribs. She struggled to bring in oxygen as she coughed up blood from one pierced lung. She sputters for breath on the cold floor as the world spin around…._

A door slammed shut and the Doctor was pulled firmly from Rose's subconscious. Back in his own body he finds himself staring into her wide eyes.

"You were in my head," she said, angry tears leaking down her cheeks.

"I..I.." he sputtered, grasping vainly for anything that would excuse him from this violation. No words came.

Even the darkness couldn't hide the terrible look of betrayal on Rose's shocked face. "I trusted you," she whispered harshly. "But you're just the same as him. You take what you want without asking. Was that your plan all along, to bring down my guard and lure me in here?"

She tried to slip from beneath the blankets but the Doctor grabbed her arm instinctively. She shuddered beneath his tight grip.

"Fine," she spat, turning back to him. "Have it your way!"

In horror, the Doctor watched as Rose ripped her shirt over her head and started pulling off the loose sports bra.

"What…what are you doing?" he stammered.

Her hands fumbled, unable to grasp the fabric. "You've had my mind so you might as well have the rest of me too," she explained hotly. With a cry of frustration she abandoned her attempt at removing her bra and moved on to her pajama pants.

"Rose stop," cried the Doctor as he pulled her hand away from the cord that held her pants up.

"What?" she demanded. "You don't want it now that you can't take it. Now I'm just a whore to you."

"Rose, please just calm down," he urged, desperately.

"Oh I am calm," she replied, now nearly hysterical. "I am so freakin' calm that I could…I could…." She didn't finish her sentence. In her fury she had started backing further and further from the Doctor and eventually hit the edge of the bed. Instead of stopping she tumbled right over and on to the floor. The Doctor cringed as he heard a bone splitting snap followed by a cry of agony.

In an instant the Doctor sat next to where Rose sat, cradling her wrist. The same wrist that the Doctor had reset only a month before. He tried to reach for her arm but like a wounded animal she pushed him away. "Don't touch me!" she screamed through the pain.

"I just want to look," he explained, trying to pry her good arm away.

"Well I don't want you to," she yelled back.

He backed off, sitting just a few feet away as Rose hummed with pain. Eventually she pulled her good hand away, hissing as her wrist shifted. "I think it's broken," she said through gritted teeth.

"Can I take a look?" he asked as he cautiously reached out his hand.

She nodded.

It was indeed broken and in the exact place where he had reset it. Gently, he wrapped a blanket around her bare shoulders and helped her to the medical bay. She shivered but made no sound as he used the bone regenerator on her arm once more.

"You took that very well," he commented. "If you're in pain I can give you something.

She shook her head. "I'm used to broken bones. But I guess you would know that now." She gave him an accusing stare.

He looked away, ashamed. "I didn't see much. I'm not sure if it was even a real memory." He handed her a small white pill. At her look of confusion he explained, "It'll take the sting away from your arm."

She grabbed it, twirling it between her fingers. "Is it okay for the baby?"

He nodded.

Rose considered it for a moment before returning the pill to him. "I don't want to take any chances with my daughter."

"Okay," he nodded. "But that starts with taking care of yourself. That arm will be a bit fragile for a while."

She gave him a quick nod, indicating her understanding, and settled her gaze on her feet. "Did you see a cellar?" she asked quietly, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

The Doctor sat in a chair across from her. "Yes," he replied but added, "I shouldn't have looked. I'm sorry. You were right to be angry."

She just continued to stare blankly at the floor. "It was real, the cellar, it happened."

The Doctor swallowed. Images of Rose coughing up her life-blood on the cold ground swan into focus. "You could have died," he commented in a low voice.

"I nearly did," Rose affirmed, voice devoid of emotion. "The maid found me and snuck me out of the house. There was a star liner in port so I actually had proper medical attention. The captain was furious. She wanted to take me away but they had a non interference policy and I was technically the property of my husband."

The Doctor choked, "Husband?"

**A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed it. That chapter was actually not to bad to write once I figured out which way was the best to go. I have three versions of this chapter that are completely different. So annoying.**

**Plz review.**


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